


It's all Fun and Games until Someone Unleashes a Bijuu

by tasalmalin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humor, July 2016 Troping Along, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 04:49:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7494459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasalmalin/pseuds/tasalmalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a nebulous time after the disastrous Chuunin Exams but before Sasuke leaves the village, Naruto decides to introduce his new friend Gaara to his Konoha friends. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's all Fun and Games until Someone Unleashes a Bijuu

In the aftermath of Orochimaru’s invasion, even genin teams are drafted into service as the village struggles to recover from the devastating attack. Team Eight is helping with the search for survivors. Team Gai is almost singlehandedly rebuilding the walls. Team Ten is inventorying and distributing supplies to workers and people whose homes have been destroyed.

Team Seven is keeping up morale by spreading the latest gossip.

“I heard Suna is sending a delegation to formally blame everything on Orochimaru,” Sakura tells Ino. “They’re not even going to apologize.”

“They’re sending Gaara!” Naruto shouts at Kiba. “He’s so impressed by my mad skills he wants to be friends now!”

“They aren’t even embarrassed that they smuggled in a bijuu,” Sasuke tells the space to his left, not deigning to actually address anyone. “He confessed to the invasion plan. This is an insult.”

“We should throw him a welcome party!” Naruto says.

Sakura smacks him on the back of the head. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

~*~

Except that somehow, that’s exactly what they do.

There’s a stuffy formal ceremony, organized by the council that's serving as interim Hokage since they can’t agree on anyone else. Kakashi reminds everyone why he’s called a genius by suggesting that the kids, specifically Naruto, be very far away from there.

Suna insists that Gaara qualifies as a kid, probably because they don’t actually want him around, and Naruto loudly declares that he and Gaara are best friends now after they almost beat each other to death in the forest and somehow that convinces the council that this party thing is a good idea.

Idiots.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Naruto asks.

Sasuke tries to glare a hole in his thick skull.

~*~

To add insult to injury, the party is a complete success.

Chouji’s mom makes food, and if Orochimaru had invaded again and slaughtered them all it still probably would have been a good party so long as they got to eat first. That woman has some kind of cooking jutsu on par with the Legendary Sannin.

No one really talks to Gaara except Naruto, but Naruto talks enough for ten people so it’s not like he’s left out, exactly. Logically, that should keep Naruto out of trouble, but logic has no place in Naruto’s world.

He’s right in the thick of things, bickering with Kiba and flicking stuff at the back of Shino’s head and flirting ineptly with Sakura, generally being his loud and obnoxious self. Everyone is understandably nervous about Gaara at first, but when no homicidal rants manifest the food and opportunity to party after weeks of hard work takes precedence.

Ino and Tenten are enthusiastically criticizing the fighting in whatever lame movie they've put on, Neji is getting his ass kicked in shogi (that’s what he gets for agreeing to play Shikamaru) while Lee adds irrelevant and highly unwelcome commentary, Chouji is making sure everyone’s plates are kept full, and Hinata is in the kitchen stacking dishes in the sink. 

Sasuke is brooding in the corner wishing he was somewhere else. This sucks. 

Surprisingly, Gaara is not on the same page. Sure, he isn’t really participating, but he's watching the chaos with interest and nearly-hidden longing.

“This is so awesome!” Naruto enthuses, which is a bit ironic since an exasperated Shino has just literally kicked him out the door. “Isn’t this awesome, Gaara?”

Gaara considers this carefully for two full minutes, then finally nods. 

“We have a special bond,” Naruto says. “We’re calling ourselves ‘the Konoha Twelve.’”

“No we’re not,” Sasuke says, feeling compelled to defend his honor. “Because that’s a stupid name. And this is the first time we’ve ever actually spent time together.”

Naruto rolls his eyes but refuses to take the bait, which is obscurely aggravating. “You can be part of the Suna division,” he tells Gaara. “But not your brother, he’s weird.”

Gaara frowns slightly, in insult or confusion or just irritation with Naruto, it’s hard to tell.

“Have some more coffee,” Sakura says, offering him a steaming cup.

They’ve been plying Gaara with coffee all evening, on the theory that so long as he’s over-caffeinated, he won’t be able to fall asleep and turn into a mountain-sized demon tanuki and step on all of them. It turns out not to be possible to over-caffeinate him, nor does he apparently need to pee, ever, but they’re all not-stepped-on so it seems to be working after a fashion.

Except level-headed Shino looks like he's on the verge of pummeling Naruto, which is fair enough, but they're entirely too close to the TV for Sasuke's peace of mind, and that’s his TV that’s been volunteered for the cause.

“Take it outside,” Sasuke says, during one of those unfortunate lulls in the din. Everyone turns to look at him.

“Hey, that’s a great idea!” Naruto says, missing the point entirely, as always. “Let’s all go outside! We can play a game!”

“I have a soccer ball!” Kiba announces, jumping to his feet.

"What is soccer?" Gaara asks.

Tenten gives him a look of mortal offense. “You don’t know soccer?”

“Uh oh,” Neji says—very quietly.

“It’s only the best game ever created!” Tenten shouts. “Come on everyone, we’re playing right now!”

Sasuke tries to protest, but he gets swept up in the general exodus, and all that happens for his attempts to escape is that Chouji spots him and gives him a freaking enormous basket of food to carry.

Kiba meets them at the closest relatively-open training area, which still has a water hazard and a suspiciously perfect circle of stones that has ‘trap’ written all over it. It does, however, have two sets of posts at either end that could serve as goals.

“We’re not really doing this,” Sasuke says. “We don’t even know this guy. Or hang out together, ever. And who here even plays soccer?”

Tenten meets his eyes and smiles.

Sasuke’s skin tries to crawl away and hide.

“First we have to pick teams,” Naruto says. "I want to be captain."

“How about the even-numbered teams are on one side and the odd-numbered teams on the other,” Shikamaru says, staving off disaster. Very, very temporarily.

“Then there’s too many people,” Tenten protests.

“Look how many people are excited about soccer,” Neji says. “Isn’t it more important to encourage that enthusiasm?”

“Just this once,” Tenten says, the dangerous look in her eye fading.

Sasuke is very privately impressed. He’s never had any success at all getting Naruto to change his mind about anything.

“Wait, that’s not fair,” Ino says. “All the good players are on your side.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kiba demands.

“Sasuke, you switch with Hinata,” Ino orders.

“Oi, what are you saying about Hinata?” Kiba says. “She’s way better than stupid Sasuke! Don’t you dare switch with him, Hinata!”

Naruto scrunches up his face, obviously concentrating very hard, and counts off on his fingers. “Oh, wait, what about Gaara?”

There's an awkward pause.

“You want _me_ to play?” Gaara asks in disbelief, the first words he’s said all evening.

“Obviously!” Tenten says. “That’s why we’re out here in the first place! Everyone should know about the greatest game ever made!”

Gaara looks like he can’t believe anyone would want to include him, all stunned disbelief and carefully hidden hope.

Even the most hard-hearted bastard can’t say no to that.

Though Naruto kicks Sasuke sharply, just to be safe.

"I'll keep score," Hinata says.

“Hey, no, Gaara wants to be on my team! He’s _my_ friend!” Naruto says.

“No way! You can’t have Neji, Sasuke _and_ Gaara on your team, it won’t be balanced!” Ino says.

“Hey!” Naruto says. “What about me? I’m here, too!”

“Not the point, Naruto,” Sasuke says.

Gaara looks like he can’t believe what's happening to him right now. “You are fighting over who _gets_ to be on my team?” It might be the fading light, but it looks there are actual tears in his eyes.

Naruto, in the spirit of friendship, concedes. “Fine, Gaara can be on your team, but only because I’m so awesome that I balance him out all by myself.”

The rest of the reluctantly named Konoha 12 burst out in furious defense of their own skills and Naruto’s lack thereof.

Except Tenten. She puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles piercingly. “Play ball!”

She dribbles the ball down the field, right past Gaara.

“Why didn’t you stop her?” Ino demands, forgetting that he’s a homicidal possessed enemy in the face of the current competition. “She ran right by you!”

“…I don’t know how to play,” Gaara says.

“It’s real easy,” Naruto says, taking pity on him. “You try and kick the ball between those posts down there, and keep us from getting the ball through these other posts. The only rule is you have to use your feet.”

“Actually,” Neji says, coming up on their left, “the rule is that you can’t use your hands. Unless you’re standing in the goal.” He points to where Chouji is standing guard.

Naruto sticks his tongue out at him. “Know it all.”

“Remember this is a game, though,” Sakura cautions. “So, uh, no killing.”

"Speak for yourself," Ino says. “We all know you cheat.”

“Oi, are we talking or playing!?” Kiba shouts.

It's a wild game. They’re all tired from the continuous hard work and the stress of recent events, and welcome the chance to blow off a little steam. Added to that, Gaara is far from the only one with a very sketchy idea of how the game is played.

And, of course, no one had thought to make rules about jutsu.

“Hey, Chouji, no fair using the Expansion jutsu!”

“Kiba, letting Akamaru play gives your team an extra player!”

“Cheap shot, Ino, too bad your jutsu only works when I’m standing still!”

And then there’s Gaara. The first time the ball slides to a halt in front of him, the others gave him a little space, just to see what he does. “No hands,” Gaara murmurs.

“That’s right,” Sasuke says, letting his bangs hide the fact that he's using his Sharingan.

Gaara summons a wave of sand and blasts the ball so hard that it flies into Naruto, then knocks him and the ball back twenty feet into the goal.

All is silent for a moment.

“Aww, that doesn’t count!” Naruto wheezes.

“Of course it does,” Shikamaru says. “There’s nothing in the rules against it. I’m sure if it had occurred to anyone they would have outlawed it, but I doubt it did."

“Yes!” Ino shouts. “Nice one, Gaara!”

He blinks.

“I should be more annoyed, but that was awesome,” Tenten says. “I wonder if I could attach the ball to a ninja wire and throw it. Do you think it has enough weight? Let me get my scrolls.”

Naruto digs himself out of the hole he made in the ground and glares at Neji and Sasuke, who were standing right next to him before his unexpected flight. “Why didn’t you guys get hit?”

Two pairs of kekkei genkai-enhanced eyes look back at him.

"Aw, hell. You're all cheating! No ninja skills!"

"Of course," Sasuke says amiably.

Naruto stops dusting himself off and glares at him suspiciously.

"So long as you promise not to use any of your enhanced speed, senses, strength or stamina. We all saw that special red chakra you were using. Some kind of jutsu-equivalent of a soldier pill?”

Naruto’s mouth opens and closes a few times. “That’s not cheating, that’s just natural ability! And you know what, I don’t even need it to beat _you_.”

“Um… you’re on the same team,” Lee says.

Sakura sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Too late.”

"Bold words coming from… a loser," Sasuke taunts.

Naruto's eyes narrows. "Oh, it's on." He makes a dozen shadow clones.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea…" Hinata says, too softly and too late.

The game descends into utter chaos, a free-for-all battle where someone occasionally hits the ball by accident.

Neji is flung from the fray and finds himself sprawled at Gaara’s feet, mere inches from the forgotten soccer ball. Technically Gaara is not on his team, but there’s no way he can hope to score under present conditions. “Do you think you could do something—something nonlethal!—about… that?” He gestures at the bedlam.

Gaara frowns, then kneels and presses his hands to the ground. 

Shortly thereafter, the entire field turns to quicksand.

“Huh,” Neji says, as he begins to sink into the ground. That’s an impressive chakra reserve.”

Gaara kind of shrugs.

“A generalized attack does no good,” Shino says. “Why? Because it ensnares your teammates as well.”

Gaara frowns in concentration, and the ground beneath his teammates solidifies, giving them secure footing. He turns so he can see them all, and a safe path appears in front of all of them.

“Very impressive,” Neji says, flaring his chakra to get himself free of the muck and rescues the soccer ball. He passes to Tenten, who appears to have made herself a path of kunai.

“How many of those do you have?” Kiba asks, chasing after her.

Sasuke, who just wanted a quiet evening, targets Neji with a giant fireball, which has the unexpected effect of turning some of the sand to glass. “Excellent,” he says, climbing out of the clinging sand and using chakra to keep from sliding on the glass.

Naruto is flailing about with that boundless energy of his, but he obviously doesn’t know much about quicksand because his furious struggles are just digging him in deeper.

Kiba forms his twin whirlwinds and blasts Sasuke, who dodges easily, but his glass pathway shatters, sending pieces flying everywhere.

Everyone covers their heads as glass rains down around them, except Gaara, who dissolves the glass back into sand whenever it gets close.

That’s about when Kakashi appears on the scene. "What the hell is going on out here?" he demands.

They all freeze.

Those still trapped in the quicksand curse as they begin to sink rapidly.

Hinata coughs and brushes some glass off her sleeve.

“Playing… a… game?” Naruto tries, already up to his chin in quicksand.

Kakashi sighs deeply. “You know what, I don’t even want to know. You’re obviously not dying, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t see anything and go back to my quiet evening.” He spots Chouji’s picnic baskets. “Oh hey, food!”

“That’s not for you,” Sakura says.

“Hmm.” Kakashi pretends to think. “But consider this: if I take this food now, then I’ll be too busy to tell Anko that her favorite training ground has been destroyed.”

Sasuke scowls. “You are a terrible person, sensei.”

“So that’s a—?”

“Just take it!” Ino says. “We’d rather she finds out when we’re nowhere in the vicinity.”

“Good call,” Kakashi says, absconding with the basket.

There’s a long silence.

“Still sinking over here,” Naruto says.

“So that is soccer?” Gaara asks.

“Not even slightly,” Tenten says.

“So… that is a party?”

“Not when _someone’s_ snaffled all the treats,” Kiba says.

Gaara considers this. “…I see.”

“Well, we can always try the time-honored tradition of getting kicked out of restaurants,” Ino says. “That’s always a sign of a good party.”

“I know a place,” Chouji says. He eyes the destruction. “Very, very far from here.”

“Great, let’s go.”

From the ground, an explosion of bright red chakra, brimming with malevolence, bursts out of the ground. “You guys suck!” Naruto shouts.

“Yeah, yeah,” Shikamaru says. “You coming or what?”


End file.
